I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
