Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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