I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
pop tarts are not kleenex
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
