So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
