wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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