Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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