You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
barbara walters just said penis...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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