First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He told me they were just razor bumps!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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