R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
