he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
