I wanna passion pit in your ass
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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