Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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