At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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