Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
