At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
