You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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