Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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