I puked a lego.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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