I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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