Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
