it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize