great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
