my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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