Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought