yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
