between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.