Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
