everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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