Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
