dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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