Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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