I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
