yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
