You really coming over, don't trick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
