you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You dont lie about slip and slides
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
