I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
