Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
BRING THE BAGELS
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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