you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
