I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How's work?
Spinning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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