finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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