I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
high people should be assigned attendants
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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