If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
