Pants 0. Shit 1.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
