Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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