its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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