Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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