He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
