ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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