OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
