omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
