I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
