How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
