I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
