then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
