I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
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