Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
