I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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