Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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