I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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