i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
