Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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