You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
