butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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