I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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