remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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