So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
