Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
