you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
