there's paper in my vomit.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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