So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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