try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
