she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
