pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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