I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
