Porn is love you can see.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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