it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
