I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
