We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
