man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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